Hey you.
Have you ever had one of those burning desires to create something but you were too scared and so you sat idly by and watched other people do it instead? And then you felt worse and worse, and wondered and wondered, and then maybe you did it in private where no one could see but even then it felt like too much pressure and that you’re weren’t allowed? And then years go by and you’re like, “well, if I would have just started back then, I’d be in a completely different place right now.”
Yeah, me, too. That thing, for me, has always been sharing my story. The joy, the pain, the humor, the questions, the doubt, the understanding… the life of it all.
Over the last year I’ve begun to deepen my understanding and trust in my self and my connection and relationship to me in many areas.
To myself: I have spent much of my life feeling like the odd one out – no degree, nothing special, and could never figure out why people wanted to work with me. Heaven forbid I were to ever give myself credit or appreciation for all I’ve learned and done. I was drowning in self-help books and wondering why I could never change. Ha! Over the last year, I’ve really started to explore the ways where all of the things I rejected in myself may actually be my greatest gifts.
To my work: Through creating a business, reaching my personal pit of despair, then quitting and getting a job, then quitting that and re-starting the business. I’m learning to trust myself, and that what I want to create wants to be created. I’m paying attention, and experimenting, with this deep knowing that I’m going to figure it out along the way.
To my body: By keeping one small promise to myself – walk everyday – I lost 30 pounds and created a dialogue and trust with the power of my body that she can do anything when I just love her no matter what. Now she’s telling me she wants to be pushed a little harder (so we’ll see).
To my relationships: It took me over 12 years to learn how to be married. My husband and I will celebrate our 17th anniversary this September, 2 teenage daughters, and we’re closer than ever. We still get upset, we still have challenges, but we tell the truth, say what we need, and then we listen to and support each other. It’s weird and wonderful.
Now, the area that’s been calling – maybe even hollering – for attention is my voice.
And the story she wants to tell you is this “Life-Changing Practice of Being Yourself”. So, I made her a promise that we’ll show up here every day and share what we’ve learned and continue to learn.
I’ll be honest – I have no clue what is going to come out, or if it will resonate with anyone. I have no idea what the outcome will be, if there even is one other than me giving my voice air time.
That said, I do feel like my life has completely changed in the past year, and it changed because I’ve finally learned to love and accept and appreciate myself – flaws and all. If I can put a hope out into the universe, it would be that whatever she wants to share resonates with one person. That would be enough.
Stay tuned, if you want to, or don’t! I love you, and me, either way.
You are fantastic and I like your face.
Xo,
S
PS – If you think it’s weird that I talk about my voice being a separate entity from “me”, it comes from a long practice of “best friend self” journaling, and Internal Family Systems therapy. Would be glad to discuss more if you’d like!
